I am not good at dating . I’m not good at “let’s be casual” or “we’ll see where this is going”. See, that’s the thing – I want to know where this is going. I want to know the purpose – because why have something meaningless. Life is too short for meaningless.
No, am not crazy. I don’t need to know your favourite colour,your deepest fear, and if you think you will fall in love with me on our very first date. But I’d like to. I’d like to know the way your mind works, if it’s calm and patient, nervous and hesitant or if you’re just as passionate as me.
I want to know everything about you. The real you, and I want to fall into you, unafraid. I want us to go somewhere,not sit stagnant and still. Love is not stagnant and still.
And am not the “we’re just messing around” type of girl. I don’t “mess around” . Why give pieces of myself when you cant commit to staying ? I won’t be able to make you fall in love with me and frankly , I shouldn’t have to try. So no, I won’t “mess around” because at the end of the day , we’re just wasting each other’s time. We’re just keeping one another from falling in love .
And no matter how much we try to convince ourselves otherwise, that’s what we are searching for. We are searching for love . If am being honest, I don’t understand the dating world . I don’t understand the quickness , the half-heartedness, the jumping from one person to another and the “feeling things out”. When I spend time with someone, when I start to get to understand them , when I let them see me in all that I am, that’s everything to me.
I don’t know how to shut off the stream of emotions, the excited butterflies when I hear their name, the passion I feel for wanting to discover who they are behind the surface.
I cant help wanting to fall for them. Not nervously, not hesitant and sure as hell not casual . Is that so wrong ?