Some infinities are short lived ,
And his and mine was brief .
He was a 13 year old boy
And I was a fat 11 year old piece of shit,
When we first met.
But he gave me the best years of my life .
He was my best friend,
He was my hero ,
Funny ,shy,geeky and a little bit daft
He always knew how to make me laugh
And taught me the meaning of love .
Here we are 12th April, 2013
Probably my last best day .
His staring at the red nail polish am wearing and am trying to finish a mug of milk
(I like drinking from mugs )
I say ,
“Can you please stop that ,it’s ticklish ”
But he keeps at it,
He stares so intensely that I feel his eyes wipe out the Polish from my toe nails
Then he says
“I think your toes are swelly, Polish makes you look like you’ve been bleeding”
It’s the first time we are not having a conversation ,
It’s the first time he doesn’t have a joke dancing on his tongue
And I don’t have gossip to feed him .
It’s the first time I have noticed his rich black eyes ,
The first time his hands felt different holding mine,
He has told me before that he loves me ,
and I have punched him all the time his said it .
We are just here,
In his mum’s living room ,
Rewatching the Titanic ,
It’s the 4th time we have watched it together .
We are just here,
Sitting on his mum’s couch ,
Drinking milk ,
Him staring at my feet ,
Us two ,
Just me and him ,
He and I
Oblivion to the fact that this is probably my last best day,
Oblivion to the fact that 7 days from now am gonna have the worst day of my life ,
Unaware of the fact that 8 days from now ,he’ll be weeping with me on the floor ,
Blaming himself for something that is none of our fault .
We are here ,
Silent and at peace ,
Our souls playing house with each other,
Our minds thinking in unison ,
Our hearts beating in sync.
I will tell him some day
“I love you too ”
But today ,
we shall just sit here,
And be completely lost ,
Blind to what is fated to happened,
That 11 days from now ,
Death will steal him from me .
That he will be no more ,
That I will never have told him how I feel,
That I will have to fight this war alone .
But here we are ,
Back in time ,
12th April ,2013 ,
and I am having my last best day ,
With my dying soul mate .