Mathew said something about being tired of always turning off the tap after me .
I didn’t know what to tell him ,

I wanted to tell him the truth,

That I left it open with the hope that I’d pour out like the water.

See,

I misplaced myself somewhere and I can’t seem to find me .

I searched my wardrobe and boxes ,

In between music records and letters.

I tried to look through the mirror ,

But I wasn’t there so I ended up breaking it instead ,

Trying so hard to pretend,

I lied that the problem is my head .

Just the usual migraines 

Nothing new .

But the bed cover had blood stains and my Palm turned blue ,

To say the truth ,

I want Mathew to know ,

I want to show 

To let it all go .

But how do I let open a wound that would just cause me so much pain?

How do I tell him not to close the curtains and windows?

Cause maybe I’d come knocking at night and find myself.

How do I tell him to always leave some coffee on the table?

Just in case I show up thirsty of caffeine.

How do I tell him why I bought the coffin at the front porch ?

Just in case the wind blows my dead body to our front door,

I want to attend my funeral.

Place tulips on my tomb stone 

And mourn my self ,

I want to wear black for a year ,

And just sit by the window and stare .

He wouldn’t understand if I told him.

If I told him I always make extra muffins 

So that when I show up,

I’ll eat some like I used to.

He won’t understand if I explain that I leave my note book open,

Just incase I show up and no one is home,

I’ll need to write me a letter.

He won’t get the fact that u stare at this blank pages with so much expectation ,

Hoping that from them I will emerge,

And I will re – unite with self.

It’s a hopeless situation,

When you are not you and your flesh feels new,

When your soul is Silent,

Like still waters.

Though it has been said that still waters ran deep .

So I’ll just sit here 

I’ll just wait here

I’ll just look here,

Then maybe I will walk out of this book,

Or pour out like ink from this pen,

And if I show up dead,

I’ll be there for my wake

My funeral 

And every funeral anniversary after it 

Because after all ,

Am the only one who noticed when I went missing .

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6 thoughts to “lost 

  • loise

    so good ….inspiring…..gives me the urge to read more

    Reply
  • Rosebell Njenga

    Deep stuff girl….. I love it 😊

    Reply
  • Dee

    This is so beautifully written

    Reply
  • Michelle Malonza

    I absolutely love this!

    Reply

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