Hey guys , this is a letter to me from anxiety . That bloody bagger has been bothering me for sometime now . Am proud to say i have gone a month without amitriptyline. Am getting better. Prayers and encouragement are helping out . Comedies too . I can barely read but am making an effort .
Its not easy . Friends and family , people I need most support from constantly calling me paranoid . Some are supportive and I am grateful .
As much as our African set up doesn’t really recognise mental illness . Let us not ignore that people are going through mental breakdowns and torment everyday. The world is revolving . We can’t do this without each other but most of all , we can’t do it without God.
Tell me if you would like me to post about this journey of anxiety . Let’s work together and help those going through it . With God we are capable of everything .
* * *
Hey ! How are you ? No don’t tell me ,
I know how you are .
You are striving to make it through this day , praying for a next one . Hoping that all this things I am speaking to your mind will fade away first.
I don’t like you. I am just a creepy feeling of suffocation , a blast of shivers . I come around to make you look bad and feel worse .
I know , life was going great for you . But then I showed up , I have constantly revealed what could possible go wrong. I have exposed your fears and revealed your weakness .
Ooh my name is anxiety . I am the reason you have lost 10 kilograms in two months. I am the constant though of death and the fear that you are going crazy . I am a reminder of past years and how the skeleton has gained wait and may just fall out of the wardrobe.
Look baby girl (and I call you sweetly with much disgust ) your enemies see your potential . They know what you are capable of but they don’t want you to get there . I am your enemy .
I am just here to keep you from working hard in school. I am here to prevent you from publishing those books. I am here to prevent you from falling in love . I am here to cause you pain and lower your esteem. I am here to rob you of your peace and keep you from your destiny.
But you are a tough girl . You are wise . You took all this negatively and turned it into beauty . You found God and that scares me because he says good things about you . What he says matters .
God says your destiny is great . God says you are not to lack . God says you are chosen to impact your people positively. God say he is breathing life into you for more years than
you can count .
He tells you (Jeremiah 33:3 ) that he wants to show you things far beyond your imagination. Things your mind cannot fathom . Things your eyes have not yet seen before.
He tells you to take your anxious thoughts to him. To worry about nothing .
This is weird right , I , your mortal enemy giving you a heads up for beating me. I haven’t seen anyone stronger than you .
You need to know love (still disgusted .p.s :I don’t love you ) your mind creates memories and thoughts of it own . Do not let your mind control you. You are magnificent and beautiful. You are going to live long enough to proclaim to the world what the Lord has done for you.
You need to let go and let God . He is in control , he has good plans for you . Plans for your prosperity , to give you joy . Find peace . You have the power to destroy this weapon the devil is using on you. He cannot disarm you so he cannot defeat you.
You do not deserve me . I am evil and destructive . I am a liar . I do not care about you. I am not after you . Am only after your anointing . Please know , you are favoured of the Lord and that just angers me because no matter how hard I try , I can never get to you .