Staring at our whatsapp conversation intently.
Waiting to see the online signal pop up below your name so I could go offline and wait for it to turn from
Then to the sweet melody of my phone vibrating ,
Signaling the arrival of your morning
Or your afternoon
“How is your day …”
We are a phone stone away
Like this tiny devices that graced our meeting are a wall that keep us close enough to fall ,
But far enough to doubt the falling .
I am throwing hint of how I want to run over this wall with a trailer .
I text you
‘I like coffee , art galleries, poetry events , just sitting on a bench somewhere and drowning in what would seem like a pointless conversation.’
You don’t get it .
My mother tells me ,
” men arent good with mind reading. ”
Another super power they lack.
See we are a phonestone away ,
This massive wall formed where we can only pass signals in waves but I can never get to wave towards you as I walk into a coffee shop,watching you stand in awe to receive me .
You are a handsome man, beautiful in statute.
I am needy ,
But how do I text you that ,
Do I add emotics at the end so you see what I really mean ?
Is this what they call ‘long distance relationships’
Where between us is an endless thread of conversations sent and audios heard ,
“Oops!I called you by mistake”
No I didn’t ,
It was an intentional mistake ,
In my mind I believed hearing your voice would bring me close enough to feeling your touch.
I am letting my name French kiss your tongue as you apologies for not picking the mistaken call.
” I guess your phone likes me” you say , after I lie to you.
We end up talking for long . Longer than I expected but it not enough.
I have needs I want to tell you but women don’t do things like that.
We are expected to be patient .
To let the hunter do the hunting , because its the hard catch that is thrilling .
The sweating and persuading , the preying and poaching.
But that’s not me.
The day my father didn’t come home and I watched my mother pick up his coat and dress up for his part,
That’s the day I decided that I won’t be like any other woman .
But I have failed ,
I have failed because like many other women I am needy.
I need more that text messages and phone call promises .
I need to hold your hand through a horror movie.
To ingest your masculine perfume and taste your lips .
I want to watch your eyes widen when you smile ,
To catch your laughter with my breathe as it Pierce’s through the air.
I want to wake up to you ,
To play with you .
To hear you tap the sink as you brush your teeth.
To watch you dress up for a new day .
I don’t take this phone conversation for granted. But we are just blowing emoji kisses into the void of our yearning ,
And that is like lighting Dynamite and causing holes where we are try to cover .
We are standing on quicksand ,
Drowning slowly into the picture we have created ,
Slowly falling for the emoji and audio,
But not sinking enough.
We are stuck now at knee height ,
We digital love and individual doubt .
Dont you want to feel my skin too ?
Dont you want to watch me fix a quick meal after a fun day of visits and trips ?
Dont you want to lose yourself in treasure found deep within me?
I want to find your hairs on my bathroom drain,
Your toothbrush on my sink ,
Your shorts in my laundry pile.
To help you search for your lost keys ,
To argue about which song should play on the car radio as we take road trips.
I want to sit at coffee shop windows and plan gateway trips with you.
I want to rub the exhaustion off of you as you tell me about how work was.
I want you not just in text and late night drunk phone calls but in flesh and thoughts .
I want to spend time with you ,
To chase dreams with you ,
To seek adventure with you ,
But how do I get what I want ,
When you are a phone stone away ?