Every night I stand at her door to listen,
To hear if her heart is still beating .
It’s a smooth whizzing
Better than the rough inhales and forced exhales .
I try to sleep ,
But then am afraid of what would happened when I wonder away,
The man of nights might come
Show up with his bloody sword and take her away .
I love her
And we have had bad years where I banged doors and she slapped my face red.
Never once did I think she would spend more than a night in bed.
Trying not to show her,
I tell her about my day …
About the boy ,
No no !about the man I like ,
The one who will never like me back .
If she was okay ,
She’d say ,
His a luo and your kikuyu. ..
There is so much of a world’s difference between you two
If she was okay ,
She would scold me for liking someone so older than me .
If she was okay,
We’d have to watch Dr. PHIL at 10pm ever night .
But she isn’t okay ,
So we talk about this boy,
No no !We talk about this man,
We talk about my father and how I am a striking image of him,
We talk about her getting better.
My worst days are after chemo.
She looks frail and distorted ,
She looks lost.
She looks foreign,
And I cry !
I cry so hard because I know she’ll die.
Her skin is pale and her room has the void of death .
Am sitting in the living room,
Deaf watching a movie .
More of listen to hear if the cancer will want her to night .
I have been doing this for a year …
I watch her slip away a little more.
Pretending to be okay with this ,
I smile at her when I walk in to her room,
Watching this has given me so much wound .
This days ,
I don’t bang doors ,
I shut my eyes instead .
Maybe cancer isn’t really a bad person
Maybe if I tell him that she gave up her life for me ,
Maybe he’d leave her alone .
Or maybe I should tell him that she is my only survival ,
That I am nothing without her wisdom .
But hers and mine , our souls are those that will never learn to walk
Yet I always thought that one day her soul will stop crawling ,
And that before she dies ,
She will fly .
So I’ll write cancer a letter ,
Cc the man of the night .
This woman is my life ,
So please ,
Give her more time .