Every night I stand at her door to listen, 
To hear if her heart is still beating .

Sometimes,

It’s a smooth whizzing 

Better than the rough inhales and forced exhales .

I try to sleep ,

But then am afraid of what would happened when I wonder away, 

The man of nights might come 

Show up with his bloody sword and take her away .

I love her 

And we have had bad years where I banged doors and she slapped my face red.

Never once did I think she would spend more than a night in bed.

Trying not to show her,

I tell her about my day …

About the boy ,

No no !about the man I like ,

The one who will never like me back .

If she was okay ,

She’d say ,

His a luo  and your kikuyu. ..

There is so much of a world’s difference between you two

If she was okay ,

She would scold me for liking someone so older than me .

If she was okay,

We’d have to watch Dr. PHIL at 10pm ever night .

But she isn’t okay ,

So we talk about this boy,

No no !We talk about this man,

We talk about my father and how I am a striking image of him,

We talk about her getting better.

My worst days are after chemo. 

She looks frail and distorted ,

She looks lost.

She looks foreign, 

And I cry !

I cry so hard because I know she’ll die. 

Her skin is pale and her room has the void of death .

Am sitting in the living room,

Deaf watching a movie .

More of listen to hear if the cancer will want her to night .

I have been doing this for a year …

Everyday ,

I watch her slip away a little more.

Pretending to be okay with this ,

I smile at her when I walk in to her room,

Watching this has given me so much wound .

This days ,

I don’t bang doors ,

I shut my eyes instead .

I pray 

Maybe cancer isn’t really a bad person 

Maybe if I tell him that she gave up her life for me ,

Maybe he’d leave her alone .

Or maybe I should tell him that she is my only survival ,

That I am nothing without her wisdom .

But hers and mine , our souls are those that will never learn to walk 

Yet I always thought that one day her soul will stop crawling ,

And that before she dies ,

She will fly .

So I’ll write cancer a letter ,

Cc the man of the night .

This woman is my life ,

So please ,

Give her more time . 

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5 thoughts to “A letter to cancer (crawling soul 1)

  • King

    Amazing. Sad but amazing.
    I love your work!

    Reply
  • shikunjoroge

    God, you write in such a beautiful way.

    Reply
    • TERRY GAKURUI

      AWSOME..!!

      Reply
  • tembeaworld

    Such an amazing piece….you are so strong to write this

    Reply

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