My Ex_boyfriend is allergic to cats , or atleast that is everyone’s conclusion. He sneezes everytime he is near one. His whole face turns red and his eyes have some mushy soft look. I have have five cats but he still comes over to my place. It is something called love, unrequited love actually. He embraces the mosachitic feeling even though he is well aware ,it will take alot more than chocolates and his lightening smile to get me back. Do not get me wrong, he is on my list of boys I would date (again) when am ready.
That very long list has just one person , currently.
The other day we were sitting on the stairs at the back of my house. I was staring at the growing vegetables in my mother’s garden and he was on the phone. He kept staring at the father cat while he spoke and I realised he was thinking about him.
The thing about this man_boy is he has a way of drawing me into something. I often try to put together his actions , words , thoughts like a jigsaw puzzle. I mean he has a klutzy yet arty way it bringing things to life. Feelings, things , places , sheets …you name it.
So I stared at this cat trying to imagine what about him he could be thinking and my mind wonders off to the memories I have made with Scar. He is the first cat my mother allowed me to have after years of selling , giving away and even throwing away my pets.
I always wanted to name my pet after me but the he is male so I imagined him hanging out with his cat buddies and them asking him why the fuck his human gave him a girl’s name. Worse still his the cat in Cat_school that wears big awful glasses and plays the flute , has no friends and bites his nails because he had esteem issues. Esteem issues I cause because I gave him a girl’s name. I am not that evil .
I decided to name him scar. See, his name comes from the fact that he has trust issues. He never sits in a room unless am in there with him and always freaks out when he sees a male human. He doesn’t jump and never sits on the sofa. He isn’t playful and eats pawpaws alot . He gets really clingy and sometimes sleeps on my head.
While I am thinking about this memories, I wonder whether he likes me. Does he just use me as a shield against other humans ? Or does he think am a cute lonely girl who gave him a wounding name ? I want to think scar likes me . I want to imagine he watches me sleep at night and thinks “this girl is awesome. She works hard , feeds me, writes human language and barely has enough rest” (is that awkward , a cat watching me sleep ?)
I want to think he is grateful for the fact that I didn’t name him Cleona because he would now have braces and would date girls who can’t spell Wednesday (girl cats) . Everytime the girl would count to a hundred, she’d skip 69 because her family is religious. She is not a pervert .
Then I wonder if he judges me for re_watching old movies and sneaking in this boy everytime my mum is fast asleep. I wonder if he has read my journal (can he even read ) and concluded that I will probably have mononucleosis a couple of hundred times because i almost always want to kiss a total stranger.
Does he think am too sentimental and needy because I listen to Peter Gabriel, Bob Dylan , Edsheeran and Adele?
He probably believes my poetry is bullshit and i should give up on my musical dreams because my voice is raspy .
Does he look at me while am dressing and go “ooh, no! No! No! Woman you of all people should know that the human body is not in anyway pleasant to look at ,more so when it’s naked and has a wobbly tummy”
Scar knows all my secrets . I talk to him late in the night when the rest of the world is sleeping. But maybe he doesn’t listen. Maybe he just licks his body, sits there thinking
`traitor! You are gonna go blah blah blah at me about so and so the wake up and write ” I TaLk To ThE MoOn AbOuT YoU”
He is like a total other galaxy I wish to visit. Probably I have been there before . They say this is not the first time we are here , it is not the last time either. Just in case it is , I have loved a cat named scar, a green eyes fat father cat named scar and I hope he has loved me.
I can feel you judging me !